


Dear Little One

by Dsp01



Category: Anna Strong - Fandom, Annlett - Fandom, Edmund Hewlett - Fandom, Turn - Fandom
Genre: Baby Hewlett, Emotions, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7988029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dsp01/pseuds/Dsp01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna discovers she's with child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

Dear Little One, 

At least I think you are in there. After a few weeks of feeling very tired and then the past few days of waking up feeling nausea in the morning, it dawned on me that I could be carrying you inside. Counting back on the calendar on your papa's desk, I realized I am probably 6 weeks out. Like your papa you have a unique way of catching my attention. You see, your ever attentive papa always brings me a special sweet treat when he visits the city on business. He knows that I have quite the sweet tooth and loves to spoil me when he comes home to me. Although very touched at his gesture, this time, the thought of that rich little treat made me think differently. I'm sad to report little one that after smelling that sweet indulgence, I had a very bad afternoon with the chamber pot in our bedroom much to your father's worry. However after a few hours, he deduced that I had probably just tired myself out working in the house preparing for his return and insisted I go to bed for a few days of rest while he put himself personally in charge of my care. Actually little one, after the first couple visits with the chamber pot, I felt normal but your always dedicated papa would not hear it and I had the most devoted, loving care I have ever known. After a few days of rest (it took me that long to convince him I was okay), your sweet papa hovering over me like a mother hen, life came back to normal. 

Each morning because your papa has to leave so early to attend to the estate and make rounds with our tenants, he didn't realize that I was turning green whilst attending to his breakfast. Maybe it was my few years spying, but i was able to put on a much different face from what I was feeling long enough to get your papa out the door to begin his day. Then once again I would find myself hanging over the chamber pot for a good part of my morning. By midday I was back to myself and able to work hard to make sure your papa had a delicious meal when he returned home to me by late afternoon. This charade went on because I knew if your papa thought the prior illness was still lingering he would never leave me alone. I could not allow myself to interfere with his hard work as he's worked so hard to rebuild the family estate since our return to Scotland. I must admit little one, you had me befuddled for a few more weeks. I have never been the type who gets very sick so the preoccupation with trying not to show your papa kept me in the dark. Then one day this week, whilst tidying up your papa's library, I happened to look at the calendar on his desk and realized 6 weeks had passed. Your papa is very fastidious about documenting events in his life and often marks or circles dates that are important to him. It was in July that we celebrated our marriage of one year when he surprised me with a trip to Galloway where we spent two glorious weeks traveling, sightseeing and most importantly stargazing. I believe little one, that is where God decided to bless us with your presence. As I write this, I am sure of it as it all adds up. Now I am writing to you happier, albeit sicker than I have ever been. This too shall pass eh? 

Tell me little one, shall I name you after a constellation in honor of those beautiful star-filled nights in Galloway? I smile to myself thinking of those two weeks with just your papa and myself. Would he approve of calling you Orion if you are a lad or Carina if you are a bonny lass? 

I am so full of love writing this to you my little one. I haven't quite let it sink in that I am with child. All those years before my marriage to your papa when I was married before and yet it was not meant to be. I had not even thought I could bear a child honestly, because It never happened during my years of marriage to Selah. After the end of our marriage and the bitterness of what war makes one do to survive, your papa however stole my hardened heart by forgiving me and allowing me to be loved for me for the first time ever. Your papa brought hope back into my life but most importantly happiness and laughter. Oh little one I have so much to share with you over the next 7 1/2 months until you make your debut. I cannot wait to share this recent event with your papa. I'm more anxious now thinking about his face when I tell him than I think I've ever been. I'll write more I promise little one once it is known. Right now I have to get ready for his return. He has been away overnight and I have missed him so. I cannot wait to welcome him back with our special secret. What shall I prepare for the new father to be to eat eh? Minced pie doesn't sound appealing to my queasy stomach but your papa does love it so. We will see how it turns out preparing it. Let us pray my stomach can deal with the preparation at least so I will not look a fright when your papa returns this evening. I'll share more later, my little one. I love you. Your Loving Mum.


	2. Excitement and Tears

Dear Little One,

Well where do I start? The last few days have been a whirlwind of excitement and fear. As I write this, I have just left our bed where your papa is fast asleep. Since sharing the news with him, he has been insistent on keeping his hand somewhere on my midsection assuring me he can feel you growing inside. I tried to explain to him it would be at least a few more months before he can feel you move but he has decided that you need to know your papa's touch as he talks to you every night before he falls to sleep. Your sweet papa just read you your first story. Did you enjoy it little one? I did. Your papa is quite the actor and really missed his calling as he was very good at mimicking voices and playing out the roles in tonight' presentation of Aesop's Fables. It was very entertaining and I laughed quite heartedly at his efforts so I'm sure you felt the happiness it brought me inside. 

Where do I begin on his reaction to hearing our news? He had a look on his face that in my few years of knowing him intimately as a wife does, I have never seen him express. In all the love he has shown me in his beautiful eyes (oh I hope you get his lovely eyes), the love that poured out when I told him is indescribable. He cried, he smiled and then laughed the best laugh I've ever heard from another human being. Little one, I can confidently say that he truly loved you from the moment the news was given to him of your impending arrival. 

Life is so busy right now and your papa is working so hard to make our lives and your granny's life better that I wasn't expecting his reaction to be quite so big. Since then, he has gone back into being my protector. It seems like a lifetime ago, but he became my protector when I lived in America while he was a major over the garrison of the town where I was born and raised. One day I'll share more about that time with you and tell you how this small in stature, well educated, delightful man became my biggest hero. Your papa has always made me feel safe and I can tell you little one there was a very dark period in my life when that was very uncommon. 

Anyhow as I write this I look over at my love lying asleep in our bed, knowing that together we have created a life and my heart is so full. We both want so much for our little one in the years to come. Your papa delights in the fact that you are part American and has decided we must take you back one day when your strong enough for a sea voyage to introduce you to your uncles Ben, Caleb and Robert and to meet their families. He also wants your Aunt Abby to be here when you are born and had me write to her just this morning offering to bring her and her son Cicero over for a few months for your birth. He insist on you knowing that part of my life because he says that is what made me the woman he fell in love with. 

After writing all of this, I feel almost bad to talk about the scare we had the day after I told him. I woke up lying in our bed with your papa's hand lovingly placed across my midsection as he slept. It was early and I felt an unusual pain. I thought I was going to be visiting the chamber pot a little earlier than usual that morning when I noticed droplets of blood on the bedding. I tried to stay calm and didn't share with your papa at first as he had such a full day ahead of him. Sadly later that day, there was more spotting of blood and when your papa arrived home early to surprise me, he found me crying. I finally shared my fear that I might be losing you. True to your papa's character, he took over as my protector and insisted I go to bed immediately to rest and called for the local doctor. After a thorough examination the doctor told us that this can be common in the first months although he wasn't sure why, but he felt like you would make your appearance in the spring based on my calculations. He ordered complete bed rest for a few days and that is where I have been for the past days with your papa and granny overlooking my care. I must admit although sweet of them I am quite bored because I'm not one to lie around long. I have always liked to stay busy and our home has given me lots to do as I help build our family life. Your granny is almost as stubborn as your papa and insisted her first grandchild would be carried full-term if that meant the next months of bed rest while they take care of me. It is only after me convincing them both last night of no more spots of blood that I've been allowed up. I had to assure him that I would only oversee the meals being cooked and the laundry being done. He has promoted Hattie the young woman who comes in a few days a week to do laundry to a full-time housekeeper and has even offered her husband a position in the stables. Granny approved as they are good people from the local village whom Edmund has known most of his life and he trust completely. So in the morning after I wake up, instead of preparing your Papa's food, I will instruct Hattie how he likes it and oversee her until I am allowed by the doctor to work on my own with Hattie's help. 

Well little one, as I write this I have begun to feel the effects of the past few days and my eyes are getting heavy. I will leave you for now with a prayer that God continues to allow you to grow inside of me and that when we are introduced to you in the spring, you will feel as much love as I do at this moment. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	3. Life Continues

Dear Little One, 

I am sorry I haven't written in the past weeks. Although things have gone back to some sort of normalcy with our lives, it has been very busy oddly enough for me. Hattie and James have been everything your papa and I have wanted or needed. Although it is odd for me to sit and watch Hattie cook our meals, I have been able to sit in the kitchen and chat while she does as I instruct her. She is a lovely woman just a few years younger than myself. Like myself, she finds herself living in much different circumstances than she thought she would. 

Hattie it seems is originally from up north and moved here with her family when your papa was in his first year of university in Edinburgh. This was before he had to pay for his assignment in the Royal army, before his father almost lost everything in the trade embargo. Hattie's family lived in tenements trying to make a better life. Your granny employed her mother as a seamstress and helped the family whenever she could with odd jobs here at the family home. After your grandfather's death and your papa being sent to America during the war, your granny lived in England with extended family thanks to your papa's planning. He sent back money for Hattie's father Mr. Stuart to oversee any house repairs so that when your papa returned with your granny they would have a home to come back to. By this time little Hattie had grown up and was newly wed to James a blacksmith in the community. With you papa's love for his horses and hunting and needing someone to assist me, it was really a good investment to hire them and offer them the small cottage on the property next to the stables. James also looks in on your granny and does small jobs at her cottage as part of his employment. They seem very happy here and I must admit little one, it has been nice having someone close to my age to talk about life with. Hattie also brings with her something I am not very knowledgeable about, newborn babies. With 6 younger siblings, she has quite a bit more experience changing a nappy or dealing with all the wants of a new baby. Between Hattie and your granny, I think I will have good instructors on what to do for you when you arrive. 

Your papa assures me I will fit into this new role naturally because of how I dealt with Cicero but he was already self sufficient when I cared for him so it was like dealing with a little adult. Abby had done such a wonderful job that me watching over Cicero was not too much of a burden. I do hope little one that your papa is correct. I was an only child and lost my mother at a young age. I faired alright with cooking and cleaning only because by the time my mother passed, my father had shown me what I was expected to do in our home from a very young age. I was never around babies growing up much and only held one once and that was so long ago I doubt I remember how. I worry that you will be able to sense this when I hold you for the first time. Will you know that I'm scared to death of you? As I write that sentence it seems absurd that I can be so full of happiness one moment and fearful and unsure the next. My emotions of late have been all over the place that I do not even recognize myself at times. Your poor papa doesn't really know what he will be coming home to each evening. However, no matter what, he is always patient with my tears, kissing them away tenderly. Surely though he will grow weary of it if my emotions keep going up and down like this. Your granny tells me that a woman's body goes through a lot of changes other than getting rounder in the belly and the tears and fears are all part of nature's way. I hope so little one as the past few days I am raging with tears and fears one moment and passion and love for your papa the next moment. He looks a bit befuddled at these actions but has been very patient with me and attentive of my every need. No matter what my mood I never feel unloved by him. 

So little one, I must share with you what your papa has started planning for your arrival. He and Mr. Stuart have begun working on a cradle for you. Your papa designed it himself and he and Mr. Stuart having recently chopped the trees for lumber to start building it. Your papa is quite the artist as well and has employed a friend of Mr. Stuart to handcraft the cradle with your very own sun, stars and moon. He said you will be sleeping in your own celestial system. He is so pleased with himself and I must say so am I. What a lovely man God is blessing you with as a father. 

Little one, he has so much about his favorite subject he wants to share with you. He is quite an expert on astronomy but insist it is just a hobby. I will say however that your papa is very humble and modest. I have had the opportunity to read the correspondences from his friends many who are experts in astronomy. He seems highly respected by many and his opinions are sought after by his colleagues in astronomy. I realize that had your papa's life been dealt a different set of circumstances, the world might know a different Edmund Hewlett. Instead God had different plans and you and I will have the honor of his knowledge and teachings. I know you will love it one day much as I do. He is an excellent teacher and makes even the most complicated subject matter seem easy to understand. Numbers come naturally to him and I must say watching him calculate systems and distances is rather impressive. Little one, he loves to share his knowledge so I look forward to sharing his classroom with you in the years to come. There is still so much to learn! 

Well it is almost time for your papa to come home to us. Autumn has brought in cooler weather and Hattie has cooked us a delicious smelling meal of lamb with potatoes and cabbage. Your papa took a day off from working the estate and got some hunting in with James and Mr. Stuart today. Hunting always makes him famished. I want to go make myself presentable deciding tonight to wear probably for the last time (as my middle continues growing) his favorite dress of mine. It is midnight blue and he said it reminds him of our first night under the stars as friends all that time ago in Setauket. It was such a different time then. I still cannot get over at how much life has changed since that faithful night when I discovered not only the universe but most importantly your wonderful father and all that he had to offer. 

Oh little one, here come the tears again! It seems that I am up and down again with my emotions. This time however, they are happy ones but I must splash my face with water so my red rimmed eyes will not meet your papa when he comes home to us. I think I will wear my hair down tonight. Your papa does compliment when I wear it down and like a little boy, he loves to play with my hair. 

Well, good night little one. There is so much to do to get ready to welcome your papa home. I will write again soon. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	4. Short But Sweet

Dear Little One, 

I hope you are doing well in there. If my morning malady is any indication, you are growing inside. I have to admit though it seems some mornings you begin our day very early and by mid day I am exhausted but I know that this too shall pass in a few weeks if the doctor is right with his estimation. Your poor papa is beside himself with worry every single time the chamber pot and I meet. I am to the point now though that there is no discretion in my morning ritual simply out of convenience. He though is always the trooper, sometimes holding my hair back and putting a cold cloth on my forehead after the worse is over. Little one, he is always so sympathetic and apologetic that this morning I think I hurt his feelings because I laughed at him. He was sincere but for some reason I found it funny that he was taking on full responsibility for my present condition when I am well aware of what instigated your conception! We can blame the bottle of wine and the romantic starry July night for that. He looked like a wounded pup when I burst into laughter. I tried to assure him that I was not laughing at him but at the peculiarity of his words. I finally kissed some of his hurt away but I think his feelings might still be wounded. Once I recover completely from our morning sessions of being sick I will make sure he is properly apologized to. 

Now let me tell you what I have done since our last letter. I have been getting instructions from Hattie on knitting. She is quite good and in the past week I have started working on small projects mostly for you but for your papa too. Your papa is the very proud owner now of a long wool muffler that is actually big enough to wrap around a man twice his size. The look on his face when I presented it to him was so sweet. He even teared up because he said it meant more that I had made it for him. Hattie offered to help me take some of it out and to make it a bit shorter but he would not hear of it. He insisted it will keep him warmer with the now colder autumn days because of the length and wears it out every morning underneath his coat. He is so proud of my gift. I must admit I am too albeit a wee too long. It will come in handy this evening as we will be going to the neighboring estate for a bonfire and stew for All Hallows' Eve. Tomorrow we have church for All Saints Day and granny will be attending with us as we pray for the souls who have passed away this year. Your granny is having us over afterwards for tea so it will be nice to indulge my sweet tooth as granny always has the most delicious biscuits and treats. I just pray I will not be sick whilst at church. Now wouldn't that be something for the villagers to talk about, your mum getting sick during the church during service! 

Well little one, my ink well is going dry so I'll stop our correspondence for now. I'll try to write more later. For now though know that I love you more than words an express. 

Your loving mum


	5. Surprises

Dear Little One, 

Good Morning! I say that happily as this is the first time in over 6 weeks that I have not had to meet the chamber pot as soon as my eyes open. Your papa an usual early riser, actually slept passed his normal time because my morning ritual did not wake us up before the first rooster crow. I think we were both surprised by the sunlight peeking through the drapes greeting us. It was a lovely way to wake up welcoming the day in your papa's arms for a change. I confess little one the colder weather gave us more reason to stay under covers this morning and your papa's business got started a little later than usual but I think we both are in agreement it was a welcome change from our past month's morning routine. 

I am feeling very healthy, happy and loved today. I hope this indicates you are doing fine nestled inside growing. If it is any indication of the little firm bump I now have where my corset will no longer close, I would say you are coming right along. Going into the fourth month now of your incubation, I find my appetite is better at night and I am now eating things I did not care for before. Will you like radishes when your older I wonder? You seem to want your mum to eat them now several times a day and I have grown a taste for sour apples. The more sour the better much to your papa's dismay! Apparently his beloved horses and I have the same taste in apples. I have also found myself trying some of your papa's favorite Scottish dishes much to his approval. It is quite comical the appetite I have now considering the first few weeks I could not keep anything down. My emotions are still all over the place but your ever patient papa has learned a few tricks and getting to be quite the expert on them. He is a darling man and my heart feels like it is going to burst with joy sometimes from all the love I feel for him and our beautiful life together. 

The cold weather has brought much shorter days which means your papa tries to finish up his business each day to get back to us at a decent hour. The house now has a good routine and I am able to do light chores with Hattie's help. Today I feel like I have enough energy for both of us but she assures me that soon that will go away once I get further along. 

I have been working hard on clothes for your arrival and drapes for your room. Of course, I have been informed by your papa that you will not be sleeping in your room for a while as he wants you very nearby to keep an eye on you. He has even gotten Hattie to show him how exactly a nappy goes on a child. Hattie and your granny try not hurt his feelings with these inquiries assuring him that is not man's work but he will not let them deter him. Ever persistent, he has announced that knowledge is powerful and he plans on educating himself on everything his child will need, saying this usually with his hand on my growing belly. I must admit, he is quite adorable with his curiosity. We will see how he feels once you wake us up several times a night for feedings but if he still wants to help after the excitement of your arrival wears off, I will welcome it. 

On another subject of importance, I have heard from Abigail and she and Cicero are very excited for their first trip across an ocean. Your papa went to town just today to pay for the trip. Abigail and Cicero will be arriving mid May if everything goes accordingly. They will spend the late spring to early fall with us. Your papa is very generous and has offered Abigail and Cicero a trip to England once we recover from your birth. He wants to spend the whole month of July there. Your granny has a sister there and we will be able to stop in for a visit and Edmund can show Cicero the sights of England. He's planned out quite an itinerary for our month in England. I am looking forward to just sitting with Abby and catching up on life. So much has changed for her as well now that she's living in York City and helping Robert run his second inn. Cicero is getting a real education thanks to Major Andre's foresight to set up a trust for him. Major Andre was very kind to Abigail when he moved Cicero to his home a few years back and took an interest in his education. Abigail now has the life she has always wanted for them. 

Well little one, I am off to practice a song on the pianoforte. Tonight we will have the house to ourselves as Hattie and James will be leaving early to attend a meal with her family. I want to surprise your papa with a piece that he started teaching me when we were friends in America. It had been long forgotten because of life events, but recently whilst cleaning his study, I came across it and have begun practicing it daily when I get a chance. Your papa loves a good night of music and a glass of sherry afterwards after a long day. I've placed new candles out and had James bring plenty of firewood inside the parlor and even set up a chess board so that we might participate in a little game of strategy. He's been teaching me chess for about a year now and I must admit the competitor in me likes the battle of wits against my husband. There is always a wager done in fun of course for the loser to have to pay the winner. I am determined I will win tonight. I need to decide what my prize will be. Either way, whether win or lose, I so enjoy our time together. Your papa constantly amazes me with his knowledge of so many different subjects whether it is literature, art, music or current events in the world. He is a constant student and I learn so much from him on a daily basis. 

Well it is getting late little one and I have so much to do to prepare for your papa's surprise. Stay warm inside and I will try to keep you well fed. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	6. Home Fires

Dear Little One, 

Where do I start? So much has happened since I last wrote. Late November brought an early snow where we were snowbound for a few days. Your papa was very busy making sure granny, Hattie and James had everything they needed at their cottages. Poor Hattie came down with a very bad case of pneumonia and out of commission for almost two weeks. Since she was unable to work here at the house, your papa insisted on staying home during her incubation so that I could be taken care of. I really did not need taken care of as I feel back to normal now that the sickness in the morning has stopped completely. However, between the two of us, we managed to prepare meals for granny, Hattie and James and for ourselves. I must say I have never enjoyed cooking and preparing food so much as I did with our experiments in the kitchen. He looked upon the recipes as a science experiment and was the ever attentive assistant to me. He really has a zest for every project in life like no one else I have ever known. We made a few mistakes but nothing catastrophic. We laughed a lot while making it. James was able to look after his wife and your papa and I made sure they were properly fed during that time. It was the least we could do for all they have done helping us over the past few months. They are a nice addition to our family. 

Now what did I talk about the last time? Oh yes, the evening I had planned. I am pleased to report that I beat your papa in a very long game of chess. He claims he was distracted by my beauty of carrying you in the glow of the candlelight. I have to laugh at his flattery but I still claimed my prize for winning. He awarded my winning with a nice back rub. I find my low back tends to ache at the end of the day so your papa gladly accommodated me and rubbed away the day of preparation from my sore muscles. Prior to that he enjoyed my recital and then accompanied me on a few melodies. Of course my playing is very primitive compared to his skilled hands but we managed to make it sound harmonious. If his smiling eyes were any indication, I think he enjoyed himself. He had a few glasses of sherry and seemed truly relaxed for the first time in a long time. It was nice to see him that way for a change. Little one, be prepared because your papa is a worrier and tends to hover like a mother hen especially over the ones he holds near to his heart. He confessed after a couple glasses of sherry that he holds you and I first and foremost near his heart and has been very worried about us. After our night of relaxation I believe I convinced him that we feel the same way about him and I am committed to making him feel this way the rest of our lives together. I hope he will always feel the love we have for him. 

December is fast approaching and although winter is amongst us soon, I cannot help but look forward to the spring when you arrive. Your papa is excitedly preparing for your arrival and it is evident every time he gets into bed at night. He leans over touching my growing belly telling you of his plans for you. Are you looking forward to discovering the sciences and the world around and above you as much as he is? Did you enjoy his recitation of Shakespeare's sonnets last night? I enjoyed them very much. I have to follow along in the book by our bed but he has many to memory. He has such a good voice for recitation. I wonder if you will be gifted with his deep intelligence. I know that I am not slow or not intelligent but your father's intelligence and wanting to learn new things keep me in constant amazement. Hopefully you will get the best of both of us. Your papa and I pray for healthy and happy most of all. If we are blessed with that, then what more could we ask for. 

Well little one, I grow tired after an early morning of getting your papa off for a business trip to Edinburgh with James. They will not be home until late this evening and I might take the opportunity of an afternoon nap on this snowy afternoon while Hattie works on some sewing. I will write again soon little one, I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	7. Hogmanay

Dear Little One, 

The past month has flown. I am sorry I haven't written lately but I do have so much to share. We are now in the new year. Although the Yule is not celebrated anymore here in Scotland, it is frowned upon to participate in the Christ Mass. However, because your papa and granny are part English (thanks to granny's side of the family) and I am part Irish (thanks to my mother) the Hewlett home observed the twenty-fifth quietly with a nice family dinner of goose, potatoes, brussel sprouts, your granny's Christmas pudding and my mother's minced pie. You're papa hung greenery and holly and I must admit it was quite festive and I did not feel as homesick for America this year thanks to their efforts. Your papa played the pianoforte and we sang songs and he then he read scripture afterwards of the Christ child's birth. Maybe it is because I am carrying you this year and my emotions are high but hearing this story that I have heard since childhood filled me with sentiment and your papa seemed touched by it too as his voice choked back tears while he read. It was a beautiful day indeed. 

The week after passed as we got back into our daily routines. We cheered in the new year or Hogmanay with the neighboring farms. Your papa loves the two days of festivities including the bonfires, the festive food and music and the gift giving. As always he is very generous but I will say he surprises me with his enthusiasm picking just the right gifts for your granny and myself. There was even a gift for you little one. He had a beautiful christening gown made for you to wear once you are here. Finding the perfect gift for your papa was a little more challenging. Recently your granny told me a story of a young Edmund and his favorite pup Kip. She said your papa being an only child was often lonely and her father had visited from England when he was about 6 and brought him a black and white dog. Your papa loved that dog very much according to your granny and apparently wherever he went, the dog went. When your papa went away to university the dog passed away. He never got another one because his duty to the King's army led him all over the world and having a dog wouldn't have been something conducive for that lifestyle. When I met your papa in Seatauket a few years ago, I knew him to be a lover of animals especially his dear horse Bucephalus. Sadly his beloved horse was taken violently by a very evil man from our past, and your papa has never fully recovered. So, with this in mind and with news from our neighbor, I had James help me find your papa a new pup. Now that he's expanding the farm by beginning to rotate crops and by raising sheep, he really needs a dog to help him when he's trying to round up the herd of sheep. James knew of a local farmer whose collie had just had pups 10 weeks ago and on the day before the festivities, he accompanied Hattie and myself to look at the litter. We brought back a beautiful black and white ball of fur. Your papa was so surprised that he was speechless. He looked like a little boy when we revealed our gift. He named the new family member Peritus (which is January in Greek) but he will be Peri for short. Peri will be trained to herd the sheep and help your papa and his workers. Your papa is already smitten with Peri lying on the floor by the fire playing with him and getting him acclimated with his new home. I must admit, Peri is quite adorable with his black and white fur one ear standing up playfully and the other lying down. He always looks as if he's up to mischief and your papa is quite endearing playing with him and training him. 

If he's this infatuated with a new puppy I am very interested to see how he will be over you. If his expression is any indication the first time you kicked, then I cannot wait to see his expression when he sees you for the first time. You like to remind us you are there whilst his hand is normally lying across me as we sleep. Usually after you make your announcement that you are there, you calm right down when your papa talks to you. It is like you know how to get his attention and honestly he probably puts his hand there now hoping you will kick. He is constantly talking about what he thinks is happening in your development and often confers with the doctor about your incubation. It fascinates him and the doctor seems to enjoy a likeminded person to discuss the human body. Your papa has concluded that childbirth is truly a miracle and declared the female body is remarkable in all she endures going through pregnancy. I must say I can agree with his conclusion. It is funny as I never really thought about motherhood before little one but I confess now it is all I can think of. My body is changing daily and the little bump under my corset is now rounding out and it is very obvious I am with child. Other parts of my body are filling out too much to your papa's delight and Hattie is having to adjust the bodice of my dresses for sake of modesty. I remind your papa that this will change back to normal once you are weaned. He likes to tease me privately about it but only when we are alone. Your papa in front of others is always the gentleman constantly talking about my glow. I don't see it but he attributes it too me carrying you and he is so proud that we are expecting you little one. Hard to believe we have just three months before we meet you. I know now I find my mind daydreaming of you and wondering what you will be like. Will you have your father's almond shaped eyes and angular features? Or will you have my full face? Surely you will inherit our fair skin and coloring, however your papa's eyes are more golden brown compared to my darker ones. Will your eyes crinkle when you smile? I hope so as I do love it when your papa smiles with his eyes. It is one of his most handsome features. Will you be a girl or a boy? If you are a girl, will you be a tomboy as I was? That would scandalize to your granny the first time you roll in the mud or climb the tallest tree. Are you a boy? Will you be inquisitive like your papa and want to learn constantly? I think of you often and wonder how you will turn out. 

Well little one, I can hear Peri barking outside meaning your papa is back from the stables. He discovered in the late summer that his mare Penelope is expecting. He explained to me that by his calculations of her estrus cycles during last spring she conceived roughly at two years of age. Did you know that horses carry to term approximately eleven months? This means she will carry the foal until the colder weather eases up which by nature, will allow the food source to not be so scarce before she births the foal in early to mid March. Your papa is checking on her and the father (Odessyus) to assure she has an easy birth. He is as gentle with her as he is with me. On a few occasions when the snow was melted and there was no ice afoot he has escorted me there to visit the lovely Penelope. She is a beauty and he is almost as proud of her growing belly as he is of mine. He tells me this foal will be yours when the time comes to teach you to ride. I laugh at his optimism but he insist you will be sitting on a saddle before you can walk. As I write this I cannot help from smiling thinking of his enthusiasm as he talks about you learning to ride with him. 

The fire is dying down and the room is drafty. I hear your papa in the back of the house now speaking with Hattie about dinner. I will leave you and go tend to the fire so that the room will be cozy when he comes in to unwind and read over the accounts before tea. I will write more soon. I wonder if you will find my writings to you interesting when you are old enough to read this? Or will you think your mum is a tad daft for writing someone she has never met yet feels like she has always known? I cannot explain why I write to you except like your papa I have so much to share with you. Knowing your growing inside of me and feeling you move in my body brings me a hope that I never knew before. The future seems full of so many possibilities knowing I will have you a proof of the love I discovered once I allowed myself to be loved by someone like Edmund. I will write soon. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	8. Dreams and Reality

Dear Little One, 

How are you feeling today? I find myself feeling a little melancholy with the winter weather in full attack. It seems like we have been bound to this house because of the snow and ice longer than five days. I find myself growing more tired with each chore I attempt and my rounding middle makes it hard on my low back. I feel you moving inside me all the time now and on those days when I feel the most uncomfortable I realize that I'm a few short months you will be here. That makes the discomfort worth it all. 

I am sorry to report that your papa has been in bed for the past two days with a flare up from his foot. He recently had business in Edinburgh and unfortunately traveled in the bitter cold weather to get back to us in the same day. Arriving later than usual, he did not properly wrap his bad foot and by daylight he was limping worse than usual. The doctor was called and he was given a salve to apply and it was properly wrapped and he was instructed to rest it for a couple of days. This is driving your papa mad. He does not sit idle for long and feels there is too much to do. With the horses, sheep and getting ready for spring planting. Luckily he allowed me to delegate James to work off of a list that was written to your papa's specifications. I am happy to report so far your papa has been able to ease his mind, rest and allow James and a small crew to get things in order. Your papa is not a good patient but I am a good nurse so he seems content when I give him the extra care he needs.

Honestly little one, I have been very concerned about your papa since that trip. He has been having those dreams again which means he doesn't sleep well. The night of his trip to Edinburgh he arrived home very late. As is my habit on nights he is not home, I will sleep in his nightshirt as it brings me comfort. Arriving in and trying not to wake me, he was chilled to the bone from the long ride, getting straight into bed falling fast asleep without properly eating or putting on warm clothes. When I awoke a few hours later to get some water to drink from downstairs I startled him and he cried out before waking up. He was in such a state of frenzy and fear before I could calm him. I try not to make him talk about it unless he feels he can. I try to be comforting to him without making him feel emasculated. I try to talk to him reminding him he is safe and in our home. He always wakes up shaking like he is freezing. He says that the winter months are the hardest for him and he cannot seem to stay warm. Finally he laid there with me in his arms falling asleep with his hand across my stomach. He was much better the next morning and back to his joyful self but still I worry. I do not know if he will ever be completely over what happened to him not so long ago. I feel this is not something I can really share with you but I pray one day hopefully your papa will share with you the reason behind these dreams. He has to work through this on his own time and we just have to love him through it. Just know that your papa outwitted a very evil, deranged man. Not only did he save himself but he saved me (mostly from myself) and brought hope back into my life. For that reason alone, I will always love your father like I have never loved anyone else. You will see little one just how extraordinary your papa is and I cannot wait for you to discover this on your own. 

Now let us talk about your cradle. Your papa got it back from the wood smith's shop and I must say it is quite beautiful. The carvings in the headboard of the cradle are exquisite. Knowing you will have the stars above your head as you lay in the cradle makes your papa so happy. He is so excited helping me prepare for your arrival. Hattie and I have managed to make a few blankets and quilts to keep you warm. Your granny has sewn several gowns for you to wear. Your wardrobe will be full soon as we patiently await your arrival. This whole family is excited to meet you. 

As we have begun the preparations of your arrival, your ever talented papa has been sketching me at night. He says he wants to have a way to preserve the transformation my body is going through as I carry you. The sketches are for our eyes only. I must admit he makes me very comfortable as he has captured the various changes of my body over the past few months. As I look at the drawings from around two months on, there is quite a change from each month as my body blooms with you. Your father seems to appreciate the transformation. I have to admit seeing him look at me that way makes me proud of my body when we are alone. I actually find it is very freeing to be without the constrictions of clothing. Even today as my feet are swollen and bosom sore as my body prepares for you, I find myself waddling when I walk. Your papa is constantly telling me how lovely he finds me. He is quite the romantic one too and I find it hard to not be affectionate with him even when I am not feeling my personal best. He is always gentle and considerate of my feelings and honestly I am as bad as he is at times with my affections. I feel like I have discovered feelings I did not know existed with our love and I can only describe it as magical. This truly is a moment in time that I am happy to share with him in the most intimate ways. 

Oh little one, I find my spirits are lifted after writing this. What can I say, the best remedy for my melancholy is you and your papa. Let me leave you and go upstairs to attend your papa. He likes to read in the evening and we take turns deciding on what will be read and what the discussion will be about. Tonight is my turn and I think I am going to surprise him with Homer. He is a lifelong fan and this should lift his spirits while he is bed bound. I will write more soon. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	9. A New Life

Dear Little One, 

As I write this, the fire is going down while we are waiting for your papa to return from his rounds at the stable. March begins tomorrow and spring is going to be here in a few weeks but you cannot tell it by the snow. It has finally stopped but the bitter cold is still here. I do look forward and will welcome the warmer air and sunshine soon. Even with all the snow and ice, your papa has been very busy getting ready to plant once the ground is not frozen. He has been working longer hours on the estate and we are also now the proud owners of 4 lambs born mid February and a beautiful colt born just this morning. He was a few weeks early and your papa and James spent most of last night with the mother. He had James clear off a path from the house to the stables so I could walk outside and witness the miracle of birth. It was truly a magnificent experience. I have never witnessed anything like it so experiencing a birth with Edmund was perfection as he explained every detail of what would happen. The colt arrived around 2:00 a.m and your papa excitedly declared the colt will be yours. A name has not be chosen yet because he wants to see what fits you once you are born. With a little over six weeks to go, the little colt will be nameless until you arrive. 

I have been baking quite a bit with Hattie for the past few days. Suddenly I cannot get enough sweet treats and constantly craving them, so at least once a day we are baking a pie or sweet bread or biscuits. I try to abstain but it is hard when I feel hungry all the time. I am literally eating every few hours. My waistline has expanded to the point that wearing a corset is almost impossible. I can only lace it at the top and for the sake of modesty I am glad of that. Hattie has made me some lovely crochet scarves to cover up my overflowing bosom. For that I am grateful. The doctor assures me they will go down once you start to feed. His visit this week brought on concern because of my excessive thirst and feeling hungry all the time. I have also been experiencing some headaches and he noted swelling in my feet and legs. He thinks these are just late pregnancy symptoms but has suggested that I get some bedrest for my swollen feet and to try to slow down the cleaning spree from my burst of energy over the past week. I'm usually so tired but the sudden urge to nest and make our home ready for you has really hit me hard. Your papa has caught me twice standing on a chair pulling down drapes that were dusty and needed laundering. He scolded me like I was a child. Now he has taken it upon himself to take the rest of the drapes down so he and Hattie could launder them. He is a patient man but even I know when I have overstepped my boundaries. 

Only a month left until we meet. I'm so curious about you. What will you look like? What will you be like? Will you be tallor short? I have the worse burning sensation in my chest at night when I lay down. Nothing seems to help. I try to drink water but it just seems worse. Your granny tells me that means you will have a head full of hair. I am not sure how that works but she seems to be pretty sure of it. She said your papa had a shock of long black hair at birth and she experienced the same symptoms while carrying him. I wish I could remember my mother telling me of myself as a baby but I do not recall this type of conversation with her. That makes me sad thinking about how my memories of her are either so faded or non-existent. Twelve years with someone is not very long especially when they were sick for a majority of that time. I do recall that she had features very similar to what I see now when I look in a mirror but she was far more lovely than I have ever been. I can sometimes hear her voice though it was very weak in the end as she was battling her disease. I felt her fear when she tried to assure me it would be alright and that God would take care of me after she was gone. I remember being in denial at what was happening to her but she was right thanks to Caleb's mother and older sister taking me under their wing after she passed away. My father tried to be there for me but he had to make a living to take care of us. My childhood was vastly different than your father's life. Although we were both only children he was a much wanted child born to older parents who adored him, but after twenty years of marriage, were not exactly head over heals in love with each other. Your granny had lost five children (never carrying them to term) before he was born. By your father's account, they had grown apart through the losses and your grandfather focused building up the estate. By the time your papa was born, they were both middle aged and established in life. Sadly the trade embargo pulled the family estate into shambles and caused the family to lose almost everything. Your papa had to leave university and took what little money left to buy his rank and commission in the Royal Army. Granny was very dedicated to his well being and although your grandfather loved him, by the time your papa was 18, he was very sick and died shortly after he entered the military. Your papa took it upon himself to make sure your granny lived as he grew up with the finer things in life promptly moving her to live with relatives while he was away. My birth was not as welcomed. Although loved, I was a an unexpected baby born just nine months to the day of my parent's nuptials. They were both young (he was 20 and she was 18) and only had a few possessions starting out their life. I was loved I know that but always knew I was also part of my parent's problems. My father did not have any family growing up an orphan in York City. My mother's family turned their backs on them when they decided to stay in America and not go back to Ireland where her family had land. My father wanted to make his own way and worked hard putting food on our table and farming a small plot of land outside Setauket. My mother and I were alone most of the time but my father did come home every night. My mother got sick when I was about six years old and that is when I learned to survive in life. Little one, we both want so much for you to have what your papa and I did not, two parents very much in love who want a family life. Will we be perfect parents, I doubt it but I can assure you that you will be loved and wanted no matter what. 

Well little one, I hear Peri coming up with your papa barking as he plays with him. I know your papa must be tired with his long days and after last night's birth but he is laughing as he walks in the door with James. I will close this off now and go greet your papa before the exhaustion hits us both. With only a few hours sleep, I think we will retire early tonight. I am feeling especially pregnant right now so I look forward to an early night lying with your papa as he reads to us. I will write soon. I love you more than words can express. Your loving mum.


	10. An Unusual Introduction

My Dear Little One, 

Hello how are you? Are you well inside your lovely mum safe and warm deciding when to make your appearance? In case you do not know, this is your papa writing to you. 

Where do I start? I must admit I had no idea she was corresponding with you this whole time. Your mother constantly intrigues and amazes me but after reading the past seven months of letters to you, it has showed me a yet another layer of her I have not discovered in almost two years of marriage to her. Reading these letters, I find that I have fallen even more in love with her. How is that possible? I did not know I could love her more. Now witnessing what she has endured the past two weeks since her last letter, I realized just how important both of you have become to me. I am full of fear of losing you both. Your sweet mum took ill just a day after the last letter to you and since then I have not left her side. 

The doctor thinks it is just exhaustion setting in from all the preparation of your arrival. Your mother however has been experiencing horrible headaches for a few weeks and my research has led me to conclude it is a condition that is only handled with rest to aid the headache. The doctor and the local midwife can offer no real relief except rest. Your mother is awake somewhat but has a fever on and off so she sleeps most of the time. Your granny has made it her daily ritual to come over to help make your mother as comfortable as possible so that I can rest. I find I cannot rest well but have managed an hour or two of sleep knowing she is in competent hands with your granny and Hattie. We are praying daily for her to get through this and that you arrive healthy. Your mother is one of the most strong willed women I have ever known who has overcome so much in her lifetime but honestly I am so frightened. Your papa is torn with his overwhelming love for your beautiful mother sleeping in our bed and for you sleeping peacefully inside. I did not think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love her but I find that I feel this way over you. How is it possible since I have not yet met you. Are you okay inside your mum? I have noticed the past few days that you have not been as active. That makes the midwife think that you will soon be here. Will your mum be able to deliver you with no complications to either of you? Just writing that fills me with fear. I do not like not having some kind of control in my life but now your arrival is just a matter of time. You are in control of that little one and I have never felt so helpless. 

Since your mother has written so much about her opinion of me, let me share my opinion of her. While it took her awhile to realize her feelings for me, my feelings for her were instantaneously. When I met your mother, I did not anticipate how fond of her I would become so quickly. You see little one, she was not only American but she was a married woman to an enemy to the King. Sadlly she had a reputation because of choices that were made by people in her life. I knew that I was considered the enemy by her but I could not help myself. Your mother's countenance made it easy to be attracted to her physically but it was her tenacity and resolve that drew me to her spirit like a moth to a flame. Your mother was very outspoken especially if she felt an injustice was being done. From the first time she spoke up to the judge and myself on one of those occasions I knew that she was a creature I would want to know better. I am ashamed to admit little one that a lot of your mother's problems were made because of my position. Many of my decisions affected her. Being in my position proved challenging and I was determined to keep everything in line with law, order and authority. Of course it was never my intentions to make her life so hard. I was just doing my job for the crown. Because I had the means to be able to pay my way to a decent title with an honorable wage, that in turn helped me make sure your granny was taken care of safely in England while I was away. Although I was in charge of the garrison with the title of major, in honesty I was little more than a manager. My job was making sure Setauket and the people living there were taken care of and the crown's mission achieved. Little did I know by punishing your mother's former husband it would bring me in constant contact with her. 

I will be the first to admit that she did intimidate me at first. I was not accustomed to an outspoken woman like her. In all honesty I had never been comfortable talking to the opposite sex easily. My contact with her at first was very awkward. Although very beautiful she was one of the smartest women I had ever encounter by the way she handled herself. She always showed dignity no matter what the situation. Little one, how could I resist her and started looking for ways to be in contact with her albeit full of uncomfortable stammering and misunderstandings. Finally an opportunity came up that allowed me to feel more comfortable. I invited her to see the world around us through a different perspective with my telescope. There my confidence built and I showed her a much different side of me. I think she saw I was more than a British officer, she saw I was a person. That was the beginning of our unusual platonic friendship. At least it was platonic in her eyes. For me however, I knew that I was in love with her but would never risk her reputation with anything other than an offer of protection and friendship. 

My eyes fill with tears thinking of how my admiration of her got me through the darkest time in my life. Sadly it still affects me. One day I will share with you how your mother saved me and she doesn't even know it. Because of that moment in time, I knew that I would never love another woman like her. She was more than the wife of an enemy to the crown and it became quite complicated and a lot of hurt came out of it. Out of respect for your mother, I will not go into any more details. That will be something we both should share together once you are old enough to understand adults and their allegiance. I will say however that forgiveness goes a long way and opened up opportunities that I have never regretted. 

A year after I walked away from her in a tavern in York City, I found myself face to face with her and I knew in my heart of hearts I could not completely turn my back on her again. By this time her husband had divorced her and her community had labeled her. Thanks to your uncle Ben she had an opportunity to start anew working with your uncle Robert in York City. This is how we came back into contact again. I was back on business when Robert took it upon himself to make the two of us encounter each other again. With Robert's encouragement, she approached me first. She opened herself completely to me knowing I could walk away from her forever. The conversation between the two of us was long overdue and your uncles Ben and Robert were a big part of where we are now. I will always be grateful for Robert's encouragement to me and Ben's advice to your mother. We were married within a month in July and sailing to Scotland to begin our life. 

When your mother arrived at our home, it was not what you will find when you arrive. You will find a warm, lovingly furnished home full of happiness and beauty. However when your mother was carried over our threshold it was apparent that no family had lived here in a long time. It was drab and cold. The house and cottages on the estate needed a lot of work. As I worked hard on business to build up the estate, your mum literally took on the house practically on her own. We managed to build a home with a little money and a lot of her hard work. Your thrifty granny had managed the small allotment that I had been sending her to use towards rebuilding the homestead when I got back. I tried to invest wisely and used my American contacts for business and was able to make ends meet. The investments paid off and I was able to contribute financially to the refurbishing of our home. 

Your mother has never been one to turn away from hard work and before I knew it she had scrubbed the house from floor to ceiling, used material from a trunk in the attic to have drapes made for the windows. She painted walls herself and she rebuilt and refinished furniture that was part of the house. She is the reason that this one time run down house is now our lovely home. Of course she is the most beautiful part of our home. She brings life back into the house and life back to me. I am tearing up again as I think of all hope she has brought me regarding our future together. She allowed me to love her like she deserved and in turn she has shown me unconditional love giving me a life I never could have imagined. 

When we were apart I thought of what could have been all the time. Within a few months our marriage and moving into our home, I realized my what could have been is now our reality. Anna's love has given me not only my wife, but my lover, my best friend, my biggest supporter and soon to be, the mother of my child. 

You are going to be the luckiest child in the world having her as your mother. She will be the reason you will succeed in life. She has a way of loving a person that brings out their best. I should know, she has always brought out the best in me. She is by far the smartest person I have ever known and although she sings my praises about my education and book sense, it is nothing compared to her intelligence. We balance each other out quite splendidly. Together we will do everything in our power to make you happy and to give you the loving family we both always wanted in life. 

Well little one, I fear I have gotten carried away writing so much to you. I can see your mum stirring in the bed as she comes out of her feverish state. I want to be there when she opens her eyes. Right now she needs me more than you do. I feel as long as I take care of her, she will take care of you. I know you can feel her love surrounding you like a cocoon. It is now my husbandly duty to make sure she feels my love and take care of her until your arrival. Like your mum has written I too love you more than words can express. I am so looking forward to meeting you. I just pray for an easy delivery and that God protects you both and spares us any heartache. 

She is calling my name, I must go to her now. Your loving papa.


	11. Soon We Shall Meet

Dear Little One, 

It's your papa once again. Your mum is greatly improved but has been given strict instructions of bed rest for the rest of your incubation. Her headaches have eased off but the doctor feels they are occurring due to the effects that carrying you is having on her body. After I last wrote, she awoke and gave me that smile that still makes my heart leap with joy. She is weak but thankfully is doing what doctor has prescribed knowing she has more than herself to think of. For the past three days, she has slept a lot but I must say it has been nice to sit in quiet and read to her when she is awake. She even allowed me to sketch her adding this to my other works. I have been trying to capture your growth and I must say looking back over the past month, the transformation has been unbelievable. My latest work is my favorite as it shows your mother lying back, hand casually across her growing belly underneath the white cotton chemise, her dark hair surrounding the pillow with the most angelic look on her face as she sleeps. Your mother has always been an incredible beauty but seeing her now, carrying my child, that beauty is so ethereal that it takes my breath away. Oh how I hope you inherit your mother's looks and intelligence! 

Last night after tea, she was awake for a good while. We had such a deep conversation about you and what we both want for you. Your mother is insisting that I school you at home when the time comes. She is determined that you will never get as thorough of an education as you will from my teachings. Your mother is very biased and flatters me with her confidence. I must admit teaching you is something I look forward to. Of course although you are part English, Scottish, Irish, you are also part American and that is something I will take into consideration in your studies. 

There is so much that I have learned from my time in America and still there is so much to learn from the mistakes of my country and to the achievements of her country thanks to men like Washington, Hamilton, Franklin, Adams, Jefferson and too many more to list. I want you to see things from a worldly perspective not just from the perspective of your corner of the world. I was much like that when I was sent over to Setauket to keep the peace of the people living there. I thought I had lived and was worldly and to some maybe I was, but I did not truly learn about living and taking chances for my future until I was put away in a cage for a months time. I saw first hand the depths evil will go to for revenge and it came close to quashing my spirit. Your mother still does not know how she saved me. She really opened my eyes to see what people were willing to do for freedom to make their own choices. It was not an easy lesson and we both got very hurt by our actions but we persevered and today have so much to look forward to in our life together. So, little one, our desire is to educate you with the world at your feet. Once you are old enough and strong enough, a trip to America is on the agenda. After all you are part American and have a few uncles and an aunt who are ready to make your acquaintance. It is only right that you know it as one of your homes too. We both agree as long as we are all together, it is home. 

Now, the one thing we cannot seem to agree on is a name for you. I proposed that if you are a girl, we of course name you after your mother. She however feels Anna is too plain for you. She wants a name that befits the Hewlett name. So it appears little one we concluded after much discussion to agree to disagree until we meet you. Your mother is confident we will know once we lay eyes on you what we will make you. She says it is intuition and how can I argue with that? 

The midwife was here this morning and feels it will be just a couple of days. What do you think little one? Do you think the first week of April is when you will make your debut? I can assure you that it is all up to you. Your mum is trying to prepare the best she can for your birth by following the doctor's orders but I know her very well by now and I can tell she is very nervous about the childbirth process but more than anything she is very nervous about being your mother. She wants so badly to be a good mother to you. I know in my heart of hearts that she will be. How do I know this you might ask? Well I know how your mother loves first hand. She has given me unconditional love for the past two years. You are indeed blessed that God chose Anna Hewlett to be your mother little one. I must confess to you, although I am excited beyond description, I am very scared too. Birth is a miracle, but it can be very risky for the child and the mother. The mere thought of losing you or both of you makes tears fall on paper as I write this. I have been praying so hard. I pray that God will help Anna and the headaches will not be present but most of all, I pray you both come through this as easily as possible. Once that happens, we can take a deep breath, admire you, make sure to count all your fingers and toes and then we can decide together what we will name you. 

Well my love, your mother should be awake soon and I want to bring her the special dinner Hattie prepared for us to have for tea working hard to finish it before she and James walked to their home with a very similar meal for their tea. They have truly a Godsend during this time and I do not know how we could have gotten through the past few weeks without their help. Well your mum is stirring so I will attend to her. I love you little one and look forward to meeting you soon. Your loving papa.


	12. At Last

April 4, 1784

My dearest little one,

As I held you earlier in the early morning hours, your mother still perspiring from exhaustion and the aftermath of your birth, a wave of emotion came over me that I have never experienced. You are here! As if the good Lord listened to my every prayer for your birth, you and your mother are safe and healthy. My tears are flowing even now a few hours after your arrival. I still cannot believe you are here. You are a true testimony of the love your mother and I share. I was so overwhelmed with sentiment that the doctor had offered an herb to calm my nerves because I could not stop crying. They are however tears of pure joy and relief. Honestly this is one feeling I do not ever want to lose. What a glorious day to be born! 

Your mother labored for about nine hours but thankfully she managed the delivery without the horrendous headaches she suffered while carrying you. I know your mother to be one of the strongest women I have ever met but after the feat she pulled off in the wee hours, I am convinced that there will never be another woman as fierce as she. 

Just two days after I last wrote to you, your mum was resting last evening after tea. I had begun my usual reading to her. As she was lying there listening and laughing at my presentation of the book, a peculiar look came over her that I had never witnessed before. Sitting up quickly she announced that something did not feel quite right. Before I could close the book, one thing led to another and we had quite a mess when her water broke! I panicked as I have never seen so much fluid at one time. She was however a trooper keeping herself calm while I ran around like a raving idiot. I got a hold of my senses finally and managed to get her up assisting her to the chair, getting her cleaned up, changing her gown, making her as comfortable as possible while I stripped the bed and changed the bed linens. I got your mum back in bed and comfortable leaving her long enough to summons James to go fetch the doctor. 

Thankfully the doctor and midwife were at the house within the hour and by this time your mother was starting to have pains that increased as the hours went by. I was then very quickly sent out of the room, sadly having to sit with granny and Hattie. No argument I gave them could convince them that your mother needed me. I have never been so terrified or felt so helpless. It was horrific hearing my sweet Anna in the pain she was in. After what seemed like eternity, the midwife emerged to get hot water and clean linens. She kindly advised me of what was going on but still would not allow me into the room where your mother was. She let me know that your mother although progressing well, would be like this at least until morning. Looking at the clock, I sat there helpless while granny and Hattie tried to calm my nerves. Every time your mother would groan in pain or the midwife would come out of the room looking weary and sweaty I was beside myself with worry. Finally the clock chimed five times and I heard your mother getting very demanding with the doctor every time he instructed her to push. Her tone of voice changed and the pain coming out of her sounded excruciating. It was heartbreaking for me listening to her. Then about ten minutes of hearing her pushing and groaning in pain, I heard her voice change again and she began to beg for the doctor to get me. The doctor began telling her that I was not needed to birth a baby and true to the steely Anna that I fell in love with from the start, I heard her begin to push while at the same time yelling "get Edmund NOW!" 

I must admit, that was all I needed because just as I heard my name, I do not know what came over me for I have always followed the rules of society, but I flew into the room, much to the midwife and the doctor's dismay and rushed straight to my Anna's side. She looked at me with that same unbelieving look she had given me once before and reached her hand out to me. I grabbed it as she began bearing down with every bit of strength left in her body and then your arrival came, relief flooding over her as she sighed laying back with the most beautiful look of peace coming over her as we both stopped looking at each other listening for your cry. Oh little one, what a lovely sound that was! Admittedly relieved, we both broke down hugging each other and crying as the doctor smiled and said to us "Congratulations you are the parents of a beautiful black haired bonny lass." Relieved, and holding each other close, we could hear the midwife commenting to us that she had never seen a more perfect baby. She cleaned you up while the doctor tended to your mother. Your mum required some stitching because of your size but took them like the bravest soldier I have known. The doctor noting my queasy look as he sewed, suggested I see to you. I stood up on wobbly legs and managed over to where the midwife was washing off the blood and other fluid. Your black hair was slicked down but it was apparent you had already inherited your beautiful mum's dark curly hair. You were all pink and squishing up your face making the most incredible faces with your eyes still closed. It was almost as if the midwife attending you was interrupting your attempt to sleep. The midwife commented how beautiful you were again and apparently she thought you will be strong willed. I laugh now thinking of her first impression of you was my first impression of your mother all those years ago. Beautiful and strong willed. 

A few moments went by with me admiring your perfection as the midwife tended to you. A few more minutes later, the doctor finished up with your mum and the midwife handed you to me. Very gently I walked you over to your very tired mother's outstretched arms. I honestly have no words for the look on your mother's face as she held you for the very first time. You must have been keenly aware of who held you, because within moments, you were rooting around latching on to your mother and immediately started to feed. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever witnessed. I knew she would be a natural when you arrived and she was. She took to this new role as if she had always done it. What I did not know or expect was the intense feelings of being your protector until the day I die. Oh my little one, my little Bonnie lass, my little girl how you have captured my heart very quickly. Who knew I could love something so pure as the love I feel for you at that moment. What did I do in my meager life to deserve such a healthy and beautiful baby girl? What ever I did, I am appreciative and I have had a long conversation with the good Lord thanking him for your safe arrival and for your mother's health. I told her again how much I love her. She was so tired that she was giddy and laughing with tears in her eyes kissing me over and over all the while holding you close to her breast as you slept soundly. I found myself kissing your black curls and your adorable chubby pink fingers over and over as you laid there peaceful and angelic. Your granny came in and announced how perfect you are and how Anna has given the Hewlett family a true gift. Hattie and James are beside themselves with glee and soon the whole village will know of the arrival at the Hewlett home. 

Soon very soon we will decide what to call you. Something as unique and lovely as you deserves a befitting name. I yawn as I write this suddenly feeling very tired as the clock now chimes eight times. You and your mum are still sleeping and it is going to take everything I have not to lie beside you both in our bed, but I will refrain. I will not chance awakening you or your sweet mum. She deserves a restful sleep after the night she has had before your birth. It is the least I can do is make sure she gets rest and comfortable after giving me a gift I can never truly repay her for. I do not think I have ever loved anyone next to your mother as much as I love you at this very moment. Sweet dreams my little one. I love you more than words can express and I am so happy to have finally met you. Love, your ever devoted papa.


	13. Undefinable Love

April 18, 1784

My Dearest Little One, 

There has been quite a change in our household over the past few weeks since your arrival. It is like our house has come alive with activity as this tiny beautiful creature with raven curls, commands all of our attention. Do not get me wrong, your papa and I along with granny, Hattie and James are enjoying every busy moment. While I feel our home has always had lots of love, laughter and happiness, your arrival has made it more joyful. Joyful but very busy, and this is the first time in two weeks since your birth that I have been able to write to you. 

Where do I begin explaining to you what your presence in my life has done to me? I find I am at a lost for words because honestly I have never felt anything like it in my life. Becoming your mother has stirred up feelings inside of me that I did not know existed. While I adore and love your papa with all my heart and soul and it is because of him that I have a life I never knew was possible, the maternal feelings that you have brought up inside of me are on a different level. Before your father, I did not understand what love really was. I thought love was to be shown entirely by physical means, but with your papa showing me how to truly love with tenderness and respect, I learned to open up my heart and soul. My love for you though is undefinable and indescribable. I am so grateful sweet little angel that God put you in my life. He has given me such a precious gift. I used to have such fears of becoming a mother, but those fears disappeared the moment your papa put you in my arms. I understand now my mother's love and her concerns for me when she was so sick. Within seconds of holding you, I understood why she was so sad knowing she would have to leave me and not see me grow up. Although sad thinking of that, I understand how it has come full circle little one and I am so grateful for God's grace. I pray that I am the mother you deserve. I love you so much. 

Your proud papa just walked in with you. You are letting us know very loudly that you are ready to eat! So let me end this now little one, I will try to write more once you go down for your nap. Your loving mum.


	14. Sweet Moments in Time

April 18, 1784,

Dear Sweet Celeste, 

Now that your belly is full and you have been tucked in soundly by your devoted papa in your cot directly beside our bed, I write this with your papa sound asleep beside me in our bed. I look down on his sweet face and over at your angelic face and smile to myself thinking how precious this time with you both has become. Although you were a spring baby, April still brings us cooler weather. However, the ground is starting to thaw and I am seeing signs of life trying to pop through the earth and bring the color chasing away the drab winter. 

After your last feeding an hour ago, your papa insisted (as he does every early morning and night) to burp you. He thinks it is only fair that if I am your only source of food that the least he can do is help you get relief from being such an assertive little eater. He has quite a routine down with you now and notes to me that you prefer to be burped by sitting up, with his hand under your chin, as you look around taking in your surroundings with your big dark eyes. Your papa swears he is unbiased but it is his opinion that you must be the most intelligent child ever born. He says he can sense this in the way you look around the room while being burped. I am amused at his unbiased declaration, but I must admit I find him quite adorable each time he gives his opinion. I must also let you know that he is quite proud of every burp you let out.

I am glad he feels he is able to be an necessary part of your feeding. While feeding you has been easy enough to understand the process, the actual latching and feeding has had its moments where I had some issues with soreness and tenderness. Granny and Hattie assure me that is normal but I must admit as much as I love feeding you, the pain at times can be tough and a few times it has brought me to tears. I know that once we get our bodies in sync, the natural flow of things will transpire and this will pass and soon be a sweet memory. Between the feedings and very little sleep though, I am blessed to have such a devoted husband who does everything he can to help with you including staying awake if we are awake when you are feeding. He typically reads some of his favorite poems or books. To say he is smitten is an understatement my sweet angel. He swears you are heaven sent and because of that, he announced you should be named such. Celeste Aisling (after my mother) Beatrice (after granny) Hewlett. It is a lot of name for such a tiny little girl but your father insisted you should have your own unique name just like you. 

As of today, we are now in the process of planning your christening at the family church. Your papa wants to wait until Abigail and Cicero arrive in May. Their ship is due to dock by the second week of May which would make you five weeks old. Your granny is planning a celebration afterwards amd invited every person we know! A lot of joy has been brought with your arrival sweet Celeste and your papa and I want to celebrate your birth. You are very loved by a lot of different people spanning from our little area to across the sea. 

That reminds me. Your Uncle Caleb, Uncle Robert and Uncle Ben had a present sent over from the states. It arrived just today but was sent way before your arrival. It is a Bible. Inside the Bible, were letters from each uncle. There was also a letter from General and Mrs. Washington requesting that they be considered your honorary uncle and aunt. The Washingtons also included a lovely quilt to use in your cot. I must remember to write to them to thank them for the lovely gift. Your papa and I were so touched by your uncles Caleb, Robert and Ben's thoughtfulness, that we decided to name them as your godparents along with Abigail. You will have four looking out for you if (God forbid) something happens to us. It was your papa's idea because he said that they took such good care of me when he and I were separated by life choices. He knows they would do the same for you. 

Oh my sweet angel, you have stirred in your sleep and as if on cue, your papa has too. I look at you both over sleeping so soundly and see your papa's features. Everyone says you are the spitting image of me but that soft angelic face you make when you sleep is all Edmund. I love that face and I love that as you are growing, we are discovering characteristics from both of us. 

I pray you get your papa's disposition and his unique perspective on life. He really embraces life with a zest like I have never known. Just last night, your papa insisted on helping Hattie bathe you because I am still confined to bed for at least a few more weeks. I am only allowed to hold you, feed you and change you only if I can do it from where I sit in bed. It is a tad confining but again I understand that again this will pass and these precious days will be a sweet memory. Your papa by the way has become quite the domestic with changing nappies and helping bathe you. He loves to comb your curly dark hair after each bath. Since he has always enjoyed brushing mine, have no doubt he will become quite the expert on putting your hair up in ribbons once it is long enough. Oh and not only does he supervise your baths but insist that you don't wear an outfit very long if it is the least bit soiled. I tried to explain to him that changing your clothing every time a little spit up is dropped on your outfit and how time consuming it is for Hattie washing the clothes. Hattie is almost as bad as he is insisting that the extra washings are not a burden. You have quite the admirers in Hattie and even James. Your papa and James have already started working with the colt so that in a few years you will be able to ride like a proper lady. You are already quite the spoiled little baby girl and surrounded by so much love it makes my heart swell with joy. 

Well my sweet Celeste, your mum is growing very sleepy and I must say goodbye for now. If my timing is right, you should be content for at least another two hours, I am going to try to get under the covers without waking your papa. The past few weeks have interfered with our normal sleeping schedule. I find I have really missed sleeping with his arms around me and the closeness between us. Sweet dreams my angel. Love, your adoring mum.


	15. Nostalgia and Memories

My Dearest Sweet Celeste, 

As your mother gets you dressed for your christening I find myself feeling nostalgic. It is hard to believe that just a mere 6 weeks ago you were not a part of our lives. It is almost as if I have forgotten what life was like before. I find myself thinking how so much fuller life is now in comparison to before. I smile thinking how life is now busier than ever but it is also bittersweet because of the memories that have been created since you came into our lives.

Now that your mum is healthier and able to do more for you, I also find that I am a little sad. As much as it makes my heart leap with joy to see my darling Anna smiling and making those adorable cooing noises as she takes care of you, I have to confess I so enjoyed helping with your care while your mum was recovering over the past month. Do not misunderstand my sweet, I know that I can still do these things but feeling needed by the two loves of my life was the most rewarding feeling and brought me great satisfaction. I live for the little squeaking noise you made as you wake up because I know that means I can hold you in my arms. Other than your mother, I have never wanted to have someone in my arms so badly. Silly I know, but I just know that at my age of forty and three and after being alone for a good part of that time, God gifted me with you and your mother to shower with love and devotion. 

I can never express to you what it did to me when you smiled at me for the first time right after a very large burp. You had such a look of surprise at such a loud sound, and as I was commenting to you how proud your papa was, the biggest smile came across your sweet face as you looked straight into my eyes. Your mum insisted it was just gas, but we both know better do we not? I know it was a real smile meant for me and I even marked it on my desk calendar May 8, 1784 "my day brightened even more by the sweetest of smiles". Whether you know it yet or not, your papa is a sentimental sap and will probably journal every step of your growth much like I have ever precious moment since your mother finally confessed her feelings to me all that time ago. Just like my witnessing your birth, that moment when I heard those words from her changed my life. By allowing her to convince me that those words were heartfelt, it led to a life I never imagined which is much like the feelings I am having now that you are here. I do not know what I have done to deserve this, but I am so grateful for the opportunity to be your papa beside the woman I love for the rest of our lives. 

Oh Celeste, the future seems so much brighter since you arrived! Your arrival has brought so much excitement to so many people. With Abigail and Cicero arriving late last week, your christening this week, and soon we will be traveling down to Nottingham to visit our British family. You have two great aunts, one great uncle and a number of cousins in all ages who want to meet you and your mother. Growing up an only child to older parents, my cousins although a decade older, treated me like a much younger brother. Most of them never thought I would get married much less have a family because of my military career. Bringing back an American wife, settling back in to my father's ancestral home and rebuilding a life for your granny, your mother and myself, they are very excited and probably curious to meet you both. Along with that, we have to show Abigail and Cicero around for the next few months. We leave on the 25th for a monthly tour of jolly England. It is an exciting time! 

Well my darling, your mother has finished primping you for your big moment. As always, she takes my breath away with her effortless beauty. She has her hair down tied back in a ribbon, loose dark curls hanging down almost to her waist. Honestly, she does not look like she was ever with child especially one just five weeks ago. She attributes that to your huge appetite. I must admit to be such a little creature, you are a hearty eater. She wears a dress that I had made just for this occasion along with the string of pearls that have been in our family and granny gifted her with just for birthing you. She is a vision to behold and I must admit I have fallen even more in love with her seeing the love she feels for you. 

I have been put in charge now of watching over you as you sleep. She has placed you in your cot. You are sleeping soundly after a fresh feeding. I keep stopping my writing to look at you as you lie there so peaceful with your bottom lip pursed out so sweetly. Smiling, I see a wayward dark curl peeking out of your lace bonnet. The gown that I had made for this occasion fits you perfectly. It is as if the seamstress knew exactly what size you would be three months before your birth. You look like a little doll lying there and I am finding it hard to resist the urge to pick you up and hold you, but I know better as you need to rest up for this special day. The house is filled with activity as I hear your mum speaking with Hattie about the food for the celebration that we are hosting after your christening. Abigail has insisted on helping baking some of your mum's favorite tarts to satisfy her sweet tooth. Cicero is outside exploring the stables with James's younger brother Michael as they are fast becoming good friends.Young Cicero is a refreshing lad whom I have enjoyed getting to know over the past week. He is very eager to learn new things and I do love the opportunity to teach a young mind. I finish this letter with a feeling of contentment listening to the joy and laughter that has now filled the walls of this old house. I love you my sweet Celeste Aisling Beatrice Hewlett and look forward to more beautiful memories as your father.  
Love, your always devoted papa.


	16. Family Time

My Darling Celeste, 

We have been in Nottingham a week now and you have adapted well to the change of scenery. The Midlands are spectacular and I have enjoyed seeing where your granny grew up, where your papa spent his summers and meeting all the extended family members. Your papa and granny have proudly showed you off to all the great aunts, great uncles, cousins and so on and you have been quite the trooper letting all the unfamiliar people hold you. It seems odd to me that your papa's older cousins have grandchildren just a little older than you! Your papa cannot stop smiling as he shows you off. He has only shown me another adorable side when I sit and listen to him recall stories with his cousins about their summers together. I am not used to a big family but it has been such a lovely experience for me because everyone is so welcoming. You, my sweet seem to be aware of the attention and smile and really are at your most adorable when you hear your papa bragging about you. I am amazed by the connection that the two of you have already. 

Your Aunt Abigail and Cicero have enjoyed their visit I think. We got to visit the Peak District, and surrounding area. Other than Setauket and the areas she lived with Major Andre, neither have traveled much. They both soaked it all up as your papa shared his vast knowledge of the different cities and their history. While there, your papa took Cicero to explore the different landmarks. They both came back talking excitedly about such things as rock formations and different minerals that I had never heard of before. I find your papa's attachment to Abby's son delightful because a young boy can always use a positive role model. Your papa enjoys his company a lot and says that Cicero has such an eager mind for learning. He gets excited when Cicero shows an interest in the sciences and said he understands what Major Andre saw in him when he lived with him. He wants to encourage him to get a good education and has talked to Abigail about possibly helping him get into the university here when he is old enough. He has offered to let him live with us for that time. Your father's generous nature has always been part of the reason I fell in love with him but to see him care about Cicero and Abby so much, only makes me love him more. 

I will also admit my sweet girl, It has been so nice having someone from home here to talk with. As much as I love your father and enjoy Hattie's company, having an old friend like Abigail has been a breath of fresh air. We have laughed often and talked about our lives before and our lives now. Your Aunt Abby is awestruck by you and has gone to great lengths to spoil you almost as badly as your papa! There is hardly a moment when one of them is not holding you or wanting to hold you. Abby says that you are like having a living doll and she enjoys dressing you up in your finery and bonnets. She and your granny have hit it off too. They have been exchanging recipes and Abby has been learning to embroider from granny. She says it will work nicely with her seamstress business. I think I am mostly enjoying just sitting, relaxing and catching up. I have missed her so much and Cicero has grown leaps and bounds! She brings me news of your uncles and what they are doing in life. It amazes me how life has come full circle for us. Looking at you as I write this, makes me well up with tears because of how differently life could have gone for all of us. Abby and I are so grateful for the life that we have now. I have to pinch myself some days just because my life over the past two and half years seems like a dream. I never knew life could be so wonderful and your father goes out of his way to make me feel loved. Every day he thanks me for you. I find it rather amusing that he gives me full credit for your existence. Your father having a scientific mind should know all to well how you came into existence! I can assure you, I cannot take full credit for you Celeste. Although your aunts, uncles and cousins seem to think that you resemble me the most, everyone agrees that you did inherit his gentle disposition. I think you are a perfect combination of us both but of course, I am very biased especially when it comes to your smart and handsome papa. 

Speaking of your papa. Last night while we had an opportunity, we actually had a few hours to ourselves. Your papa went to so much trouble to set it up. Granny and Abby were in charge of you and we enjoyed a very romantic dinner and he took me afterwards to a little hidden gem of a spot that he used to go to as a child on his visits here. It is honestly the first time we have been entirely alone since your birth little one. It was absolutely magical. He brought a bottle of wine and a blanket allowing us to enjoy each other's company as we laid under the stars. I had almost forgotten how passionate this type of atmosphere makes him but I must say, I enjoyed every minute of it and it was indeed a lovely evening with my husband. If his mood today is any indication, I think he would say he enjoyed it just as much. 

Well my sweet, you are awake and lying there like the little angel that you are. Your cooing does not go unnoticed and as I expected your papa has already come into the room to sweep you up in his arms as he starts kissing your neck and and the two of you begin your newest play of you giggling from his stubble and then he delightfully kisses you more! He tells me that your belly laugh is the sweetest sound he has ever heard next to hearing your first cry at your birth two months ago. As he plays with you, my body is letting me know you will soon be hungry so I best stop writing now and find a comfortable spot to tuck away where we will not be disturbed. I see that your papa brought a book of poetry before picking you up so I know that I can look forward to hearing his recitation while we have this private moment as a family. Soon the house will be filled with aunts, uncles and cousins again for the evening as we gather for a family dinner tonight in honor of your granny's birthday. We are so blessed my darling, with the love of your father and family. I will try to write more later. I love you so much my sweet angel. Your loving mum.


	17. Milestones

My Sweet Celeste, 

What a whirlwind of emotions runs through my mind as I write this. Your darling papa has just left with you bursting with pride as you have sat up for us on your own for the first time just a few moments before. I had just fed you and propped you beside your papa who was reading Chaucer’s A Knight’s Tale to us. As he tends to do, he became totally immersed comparing you to Princess Emily who has caught the eye of two men Palamon and Arcite. As he animated the story for us, you became totally enthralled with his voice and expressions. You love your papa’s reading voice and start giggling at him as he spoke. You tried to reach over to grab at the pages of the book, causing yourself almost to topple over. Luckily you caught yourself all while looking at your worried papa’s face. You then gave him a most confident smile, putting yourself into a full upright sitting position all while wobbly arms waved trying to balance but you managed to sit up by yourself nonetheless. Your papa was so excited that he let out a small noise of glee causing you to jump from surprise and topple over, not before your quivering bottom lip popped out as you let out a scared welp. Your poor papa was beside himself with guilt fearing he has caused you to be afraid to attempt it again. He scooped you up and soothed you until you had calmed down all while looking at me a bit apologetically. He then kissed your tears away and you soon returned to the happy giggly girl we've come to adore. As he sat you gently back between us, you sat up again all by yourself as if on cue, as your papa’s face burst into a very large smile careful not to scare you again. Seeing his beaming face and then looking at me, you embraced all of our adoring attention. He proclaimed you are much advanced for a child of barely six months and announced he must take you at once to show Hattie, James, Granny or anyone who he encounters bragging on your newest impressive milestone. 

As I write this I cannot get over how much you have grown. Not long ago our once small, squeaking, wiggling wee lass, now beautiful folds of pink rolls of arms and legs, dimpled chubby cheeks and a strong cry. Your dark curly hair now touches the collar of your gowns and your father proclaims your hair will be as glorious as he thinks mine is. I can't tell you my sweet how many I have been stirred awake gently in the middle of the night to your papa rubbing my hair whilst sound asleep! He says it feels like silk to his fingers and deduces it must bring him comfort since he doesn't ever seem to remember the next morning. Often when he's getting you to sleep my love, he sings to you all whilst stroking your dark curls. It melts my heart watching the two of you together. 

Speaking of changes since your birth, I am happy to report that I'm now back easily into my old dresses. Hattie gives you and your good appetite all the credit for that. Except for having all of the bodices let out thanks to my much fuller chest, it has been nice to get back into my old clothes. Of course I don't really care for tightening up the corset again but I surely can't go around town without it. How shocked the town folks would be! As always your papa is quite the charmer with his regard for my figure even at my largest carrying you. I can assure you my dear, I was quite rotund and awkward and felt clumsy but he made me feel like the most beautiful creature on earth with constant attention and devotion. He tells me now that his two m'eudails are like rare flowers only found here in Scotland in his garden. Your papa doesn't often use Gaelic terms of endearment but when he does, I have to admit it does stir up feelings deep within me and he seems to enjoy the attention it brings him when we are alone. 

Abigail and Cicero have gone back since my last letter. They were with us about six weeks. What a nice visit we had and Edmund now has proclaimed them family. I must admit my sweet angel you were spoiled rotten by your Aunt Abigail. She had sewn you two beautiful gowns and matching bonnets. Your papa declared that they were fit for a princess and much impressed with the detail she put in them. He was so impressed by her skilled work, he started discussing with her how she should expand her business and build a clientele from all the officers wives and children who now live in York City. Her little shop is growing but Edmund advised that a relocation to a more upscale part of the city would be a good idea and investment. Your papa has written Robert Townsend to look into property to move Abigail's shop in and hopes this will also keep her and Cicero more safe. He will be investing with Robert to own the property and Abby will rent from him. He has also stressed to Robert, the importance of Cicero learning a trade all while getting a proper education. Robert found a property where Abigail and Cicero can live upstairs over her shop assuring him that they will be safe there with lots of opportunities to build a growing business. He has also agreed to tutor Cicero as well and through his connections, will help get him an apprenticeship to better secure his future. When Robert feels like Cicero is ready, he will then be educated here and live with us for that time. Your papa is determined to right some of the wrongs bequeathed on them during the war. He has developed a fondness for Cicero. They have been corresponding since Cicero's visit sharing all the latest discoveries in science, recent astronomy news or findings. Cicero was fascinated while here and your papa was a more than eager teacher. He's already mailed him books on science and planning on funding any supplies needed for Robert to teach him. He is hoping a guiding hand from two males (albeit one an ocean away) will help him continue on the path that Major Andre started turning him into a responsible young man when it's all said and done. Between Cicero’s determined mother, Major Andre and now Edmund and Robert, I think young Cicero will be just fine. Because of your papa's investment and partnership with Robert, this will mean a trip over next summer. I must admit my love, it excites me to go back to familiar places and see lifelong friends. There's very little family left and I have built a new life here but seeing your uncles Benjamin and Caleb along with Abigail and Cicero will be a much needed visit. 

The autumn weather has been fairly mild compared to last year at this time when I was carrying you. Scottish weather can be a challenge but it has rather refreshing with the harvest and preparing for the colder winter months keeping us all very busy. The sale of the summer crops and livestock was a great success because of your papa’s careful planning. He also took my advice with the bookwork and we saw quite a successful return from our small investment. My darling husband always encourages my input into the estate running and financial. He never seems to feel threatened when I give opinion on something. He also seems to take my ideas seriously and shows me the utmost respect proclaiming me to have a good head for business. I must admit, it gives me a sense of pride knowing I'm contributing to our future in more ways than being an obedient wife. 

Well my sweet girl, it is turning cool in the room as I finish writing this and I need to bring in more wood to keep the room warm until your next feeding. Since your papa has not returned with you, I have concluded that he has bundled you up and taken you down to the stable to see the horse. It has become a routine that he likes to do with you a few times a week. I don't know who's more excited about the horses, you or him. You both tend to be very happy after a visit to the stables. Now that you are sitting up, it would not surprise me in the least if he doesn't have you sitting atop of the new pony just to get you acclimated. I smile broadly thinking of how close the two of you are. While you are a mama’s girl during feeding time and you do love to cuddle me in the early hours of our day and after bath time in the evenings by the fire, you do love your papa's attention. Edmund is totally enamored with you and with ith our life that at night when you're asleep, he will often gaze at you from our bed, his beautiful eyes fill with tears of joy. Seeing him watch you in awe makes me love him even more. He's so very affectionate during these moments. I can't help but wonder if we will have a house full of children in the future. Ever the proper Scottish gentleman, he always blushes then shyly smiles when I mention it. Admittedly when I'm feeling randy and playful there are times I like to tease him saying things in private to make him blush. He tries not to get flustered feigning innocence at my suggestions but it’s not long before I make him see my point of view. So yes my dear, I believe that your papa and I will give you a gaggle of siblings in the next years. Edmund and I were only children. We both know the loneliness of that life and pray that God will bless us with a big hearty family. 

Let me close this my sweet girl. I will try to write again soon. I love you more that words can say. 

Your loving mum


	18. In Sickness and Health

Dearest Celeste, 

I write this tonight with fear and panic in my chest. You woke up early yesterday morning crying out as if in pain. As I tried to give you my breast to feed, you seemed to be having trouble nursing. Your ever attentive papa tried to soothe your tears but then realized you were very hot to the touch prompting our conclusion you were sick. As he lit the candle to look at you, we were both shocked by your appearance. Your eyes runny, you had a cough, and then your papa noticed what looked like small bumps on your tongue. We both noted that the day before you had been unusually clingy and lethargic but we assumed it was your current teething that was the cause of that. Since very early this morning, you have been quarantined to our room after a visit from the doctor he accessed you have the measles. Apparently there is a bout going through the village and he deduced you were probably exposed to it from the other children at church. The doctor told us that he been very busy taking care of both children and adults alike over the last few days because of measles. We have never felt so helpless in our lives but he assured us that it just needs to runs its course. He warned us what to expect with a breakout and fever. Since his visit, the rash on your tongue is nothing compared to what is now covering your trunk area. My normally lovely pink girl is now one big red rash. I can tell you my sweet you have two very nervous first time parents as we do as the doctor instructed by keeping you as comfortable as possible and by mixing the herbs he brought to apply to your rash.

Your poor papa has been comsumed with guilt because we did not realize you were so sick. So much so he has not left our side. As I write this, your papa is asleep with you splayed out across his chest both of you sleeping in the arm chair by the fire. Occasionally when you whimper or wake him, he soothes you back to sleep with a soft voice keeping you snuggled against him under a quilt to ward off the cold. Although I assured him I could take care of you, he has insisted on helping me. He had a trip to Edinburgh planned regarding the businesses but has sent a messenger to his contact delaying the trip a week. He assures me delaying one week will not hurt and reminds me that James has proven a very valuable asset to handling the estate in his absence. Your papa has had the measles as a child and since Hattie has come from such a large family, she has had the measles so there's no risk to them. James however has not so Edmund has been been relaying instructions through Hattie to him in very detailed lists. He will also keep granny away because your father and I worry at her age, the measles might not be in her best interest. She is fit to be tied but knows that Edmund only has her best interest at heart and has promised to bring you to her cottage as soon as the worst is over and your rash has cleared. 

Between your papa helping me and Hattie bringing up meals, we seem to be in very reliable hands. I have just woke from a long nap. Your papa insisted I rest while he took care of you. I did manage to get a small feeding in with you, not much but enough I think to sustain you. The doctor told me you would eat when you were ready and not to force it. It is hard for me though when you and I have gotten on our regular routine of feeding every three-four hours that it feels odd when you don't want to nurse. It makes me feel helpless as I am the only one right now who can give you what you need to keep you healthy. I must admit I am grateful for your papa's help because I feel quite run down and chilly since I awoke. It hardly feels like I've slept at all and I am now starting to feel achey throughout my body that wasn't there before. I hope this is just merely fatigue and worry and not more because like James, I too have never had the measles. I am going to try not to let on to Edmund as he will be like a mother hen with worry

My Dear Celeste, 

How quiet it is tonight. This night has been long and I have kept the fire stoked as I sit listening to my loves asleep in the beds next to me as I write this. So much has happened since I awoke earlier this afternoon to you lying awake on my chest looking up at me with those beautiful eyes that remind me so much of your mother’s. You were not whimpering or fussing, just lying there tugging on my shirt with the most peaceful look on your face even managing a weak dimpled smile when you realized you had my attention. My heart was full my darling knowing that the worst seemed to be over and you were going to be okay. Your rash a high red, your beautiful skin still splotchy but I was so relieved that I could not contain myself as I began covering you with kisses. I even got small laugh out of you! As I gathered you up to let your exhausted mum know that the past few days of worry looked to be over, I saw her in bed sleeping fretfully and shivering (although covered with quilts) trying not to let on to me that she was now sick too. 

She is already showing the now familiar signs of red spots going across her beautiful skin. Although not feeling her best, she cried with pure relief hugging you close while you fed for the first real time in two days. My sweet Anna who is always so strong and healthy was lying there feverish barely able to raise her head much less lift you after your feeding. The doctor had assured her you would eat when you were ready and once you latched on, you fed for a good hour as she napped. It was a comforting sight and I couldn't help but thank God that you are feeling better and I prayed that my Anna will recover soon. It hurts my heart to see either of you not well. Just like with you I must make sure Anna is taken care of while she's bedridden. Thankfully Hattie is able to help with your care (except for feedings). That should help Anna rest until the doctor can make his way back around to attend to her needs.

I did manage to get some broth in your mum earlier this evening. Hattie brought up fresh water for the basin and I managed to get Anna bathed trying to break her fever and in fresh bed clothes. I held her close afterwards until she fell asleep after a few sips of Madeira hoping this will help her sleep better. Hattie returned an hour or so later having given you a nice warm bath, changing your nappy and putting clean sleeping gown on before putting you in your cot after you had fallen asleep. She then left for the night. Fearing she was burning the candle at both ends, I told her to wait And come in mid morning instead of her usually early morning. This will give her a chance to rest and not get run down. I can not do this without her help so it is important she keep her strength up.

The weight of the past few days is now starting to hit me. As I sit hear listening to the two of you breathing, my heart feels as if it is about to burst with love. I don't have the words to express the love your mother has brought me or how much she means to me. As I try to write my feelings for you both right now, I am beside myself with emotions. My life before you both was so mundane that I cannot imagine it without waking up to seeing both your smiles that are meant just for me. I cannot fathom going to sleep at night without listening to your soft breathing while I hold your mother in my arms every night. I am indeed a blessed man Celeste to have the unconditional love that I have. I will finish this up my sweet. I am going to try to get some much needed rest. I love you and your mother more than you will ever know. Your adoring Papa.


End file.
